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How to drive a bus

by I've Made Too Much Pasta

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1.
Leafing through the pages of a guide to live, I’ve memorized the section about the animal kingdom Why do birds lie to birds but they always tell the truth to every other animal? Birds are jerks and dogs will pee on everything you own Pigs are all insane Ducks eat bread and only bread and scorpions will sting you because their tails are made of pain Why do birds suddenly appear? Every time I’m not here Why do birds suddenly appear in the walls in the attic in the halls Bang their tiny heads against the window Snakes are death tubes Antelopes are only here for show Goats will let you down Birds, they can’t see glass and rats will do laundry at your house and they will turn your white clothes brown Birds, they can’t see glass and rats will do laundry at your house and they will turn your white clothes brown Why do birds suddenly appear? Every time I’m not here Why do birds whisper in your ear? Sniffing through the engine of my rattling car I don’t know what these things are and I don’t know how to fix them Wolves are great, they’ll make you lunch while raccoons steal your credit card and drive you to the bar Bears will break into your house and badly play your piano while foxes fix your car Kangaroos will help you with your resume while Coyotes pour you tea and cats will let you play their synthesizers until the middle of the night Geckos are annoying but they’re always on TV Foxes will help you fix your car.
2.
Volcano’s a hole where the lava lives the sky is the goal when the volcano gives a hole is a hole is a hole is a hole Gophers make holes and they live in your yard moles live in holes and their life isn’t hard a hole is a hole is a hole is a hole The Earth’s full of holes and the holes are where the animals stay. They party all night and they sleep all through the day. “A hole is a hole is a hole” that’s what they say. A hole is a hole is a hole is a hole..... And the most interesting part of the plot is the part that the author forgot and the most dangerous part of the donut is the part that you can’t even see. Do you want to fall forever? Do you want to fall with me? Do you want to fall? Do you want to fall into a cartoon hole with me? You’re holy if you’ve stayed in the church for way too long. You’re hulled up in jail if they think that you did something wrong. A hole is a hole is a hole, that’s what this song is about is a hole is a hole is a hole.....
3.
Well, I’m not like the other guys because I am a raccoon I noticed what big teeth you have underneath the full moon I hope that you will talk to me I hope that you won’t eat me and I hope that we can spend some time together I hope that you don’t mind the noise because I never shut up but I will let you tie me down and cover me with ketchup I hope that i can make you feel the way you want to feel and I hope that we can get to know each other. I’ve never been in love before with somebody so ruthless I know you’ve got no sympathy but leaving me is fruitless I will hunt you down again there’s nowhere you can hide and I hope that we can spend some time together.
4.
Twisting and fighting and sometimes I’m biting, I’m giving you rabies outside of a mall. Howling and foaming and I’ve got double vision. One glass of water and I’ll surely drown. I’m sorry, but I don’t think there’s a cure for Can’t reach the pedals, can’t see past the dashboard. I’m looking so angry while driving a bus. I’m not as messed up as youmight think I am. I’m drinking kombucha and clery juice. I’m sorry, but there’s no cure for reh There’s no cure for rabies. My dog’s speaking to me reminding me nothing I do will work out! Mom is an albatross. Dad is the TV. The mice took the kitchen, we’ve nowhere to go and I’m making a salad at 3 in the morning cuz I’ve lost control of my life. Huffing and barking, we’ll never find parking. How could they do this? They know we have cars. I’ve made too much salad, does anyone want some? Who do you think that you think that you are?
5.
I miss you, space cat. Where have you gone? Seems we needed you now more than we ever have before. The Earth is flat, but who can tell you that while you’re floating around it and having a ball? Having a ball Tiny astronaut floating into outer space I don’t even know where but you’re as far as anyone can be from anyone else maybe if I astral project in my sleep I can see you at the edge of the Earth in my dreams You look so cute in your space suit I really want to pet you but you’ll claw out my eyes The rocket launches, I know you’re on it but I call your cell phone anyway to see if you’re there, but you’re not there. “Hello, this is Space Cat. I’m sorry I can’t take your call right now because I am in space. If you want to, you can leave a message that I’ll never hear because I’m never coming back. Maybe if you think about me hard enough, I’ll think about you and we’ll meet in our dreams.” We miss you space cat, won’t you please come back home. And if you think we’ll be made, I can assure you that we won’t. I know you’re out there, so independent on your own.
6.
The First injury on the job is the best injury on the job, it's the first injury the first injury on the job is the best injury on the job, it's the first I heard when you fell, that you took the place down X 3 and your screams could be heard from miles around And the boss came from his office and said "what's this all about" and he saw you lying there and his face turned to grout he said "we can't lose this one" and he took you by the hand he said you're the best employee that he's ever had and the paramedics came, they had tears in their eyes they said "this is the worst we've ever seen, and you're too cute to die" As they strap you to the gurney, you think about your fate instead of dying doing what you love, you died doing things you hate. The first injury (etc) I heard when you fell that you took the whole place down with you I heard when you fell, that the whole place went to hell I heard when you fell that you took the whole place down with ou and it hasn't been back ever since. It's like on your way to work you got hit by a train or you slid off a cliff while you were driving in the rain and who put that anvil on that broken shelf? you know, once you get hit once then you'll never be yourself Or how about the time when the airpump went awry and it filled you up with air and you floated to the sky the steam roller driver texting pictures to his wife If you die at work then you die in real life Everybody The first injury ETC And i heard when you fell that the whole place went to hell X 3 and it hasn't been back ever since And it hasn't been back, it will never be back, and it hasn't been back ever since.
7.
Marko 04:13
If you were to look in my heart You'd find a record player that tears records apart and if you were to look in my mind You'd find a tape cassette that you can never rewind Oh, this summer never ends, is there nothing around us except for our friends? I think I hear someone at the door You don't have to knock if you've been here before It's time to let go of your fears You're warping the wood from your crocodile tears All these things we've never tried, Is there nothing above us except for the sky? If you were to look in my grave, you'll find a skeleton and 4 screws in my leg If you were to look in my heart I bet, You'll find a toothy grin that you'll never forget I know winter lasts so long, but if it brings us together then it can't be wrong And all this time we thought we had, seems to flow like a river that winds so much that we followed it out until we were lost, but the river doesn't stop. Even the hardiest dams from the angriest hearts will eventually fall right down the falls,. Did you bite all these holes in the sheets or are we just falling apart at the seams? If you bite the right wires, you can light the world up, or you can keep the world from being lit up, but it's impossible to know which wires to bite. Is it the red or the green or the blue or the white? It's impossible to know which decisions are right. It's impossible. If you were to look in my heart You'd find a record player that tears records apart and if you were to look in my mind You'd find a tape cassette that you can never rewind But if you were to rip out that tape I bet You'd find a toothy grin that you'll never forget I know summer never ends is there nothing around us except for our friends?
8.
I sleep with my fists in the air I'm an angry raccoon when you call me "trash bear" Making friends with your dog in the night we talk shit about you and your hideous life and I'm building a stairway to heaven out of garbage and broken dreams when I get there I know if the stores are all closed I can probably check all the dumpster You're a mouth with no words coming out and your snout smells like sauerkraut you're a vinegar-hearted buffoon a get-well-soon balloon on a roadkilled raccoon I sleep with my fists in the air I may be visually impaired but I can see through all of your lies and the whole world smells like french fries And if I could believe you, I would I would, I would I sleep with my fists in the air or I'm hugging myself, I'm my own teddy bear and i'm punching the walls in my sleep if I knock down the house then i'll live in a heap If the shopping malls crumble to pieces and they grind themselves into the ground when I get there I know if the stores are all closed I can probably steal what I'm lacking You're a mouth with no words coming out and your snout is a mucous spout and I'm having a wonderful time pissing on your clean clothes on your washing line I sleep with my fists in the air I may be as dumb as a chair but I can see through all of your lies hit me with 50 banana cream pies and if I could believe you, I would I would, I would If the shopping malls crumble to pieces and the garbage men take them away when I get there I know if the stores are all closed and I'm building a stairway to heaven out of garbage and broken dreams when i get there I know if the stores are all closed I can get it for cheaper online
9.
Dried up and feeling small It's sapping all my energy to get through this Growling and angry barks this isn't anything I'm used to The worst thing that I've ever done is having a good time without you the worst thing that I've ever done is having a good time while falling out of favor with the world Oh friends, or enemies You'll forgive me if I can't tell the difference Why be so serious? If i go down then I will go down singing The worst thing that I've ever done is having a good time without you The worst thing that I've ever done is falling to pieces while falling out of favor with the world And before things get too serious I have to tell you that if I go down then I will go down singing If i go down then I will go down singing
10.
I've made too much pasta and you're gonna have to eat some you're gonna have to eat some you're gonna have to eat some I've made too much pasta and I always always do this I always always do this but they look so small before you heat them up Before you heat them up Before you boil them up, boil the pastas up and i've been wrong before, I've had to make some more And yeah, I'm always so hungry when I'm finally cooking and I thought that I could eat it all but I was wrong and I thought that I could eat it all I've got an attic full of pasta an attic full of pasta an attic full of pasta from the last time I made pasta I've got a house full of pasta a house full of pasta a house full of pasta and it's giving me problems It's coming out my ears, it's coming out my eyes and it is in my snout, how do i get it out? and it is in the walls, it's coming out my lungs, Maybe I'll call Jenny and I'll have her come over or Alvin, Edwin Wombles, or Cannibal Cathy Chimney tooth, or Stinkfoot, or Schwaggardy Risno, Bagelboo, or Zygote O'Hare, or Tilt Longtail Waffles, or Wigglefest, Jingo, or Cranby or Slimby B, or Happily married Harry or Divorced Danny, or Wendell T. Wolf
11.
Take your favorite girlfriend and you know, take her for a night on the town Take your favorite boyfriend, and you know, slam him into the ground Finally, we're out here all by ourselves That reminds me, all your stuff is still on my shelves Clear your mind out until you're thinking about air let your imagination wander into a pit of despair I'm not angry at all the stupid things that I did I'm not worried, will lightning strike the house where I live? I'm not hungry, but I'll eat all the food in your house Don't remind me of all the stupid things that I said Take your college diploma and you know, throw it into the trash give yourself a belly rub until you get a big rash I'm not nervous, We're out here all by ourselves It's not a problem, but you left a lot of stuff on my shelves I'm not worried at all the stupid things that I did I'm not angry if lightning strikes the house where I live I'm not worried at all stupid things that I said I'm not angry if lightning strikes the house where I live It's not a big deal, but all your stuff is still on my shelves
12.
If you want we can go to Louisa's House I think by now she's cleaned the blood off the floor We won't go in the backyard where the bodies are and let's not stop on that same trap door We'll have to sneak in Avoid your 3 headed dog Or at least the angry head It seems to happen every time i am there Skulls under the waterbed Don't mind the fact there are skulls under the water bed keep your mind from wondering too much don't look anyone in the eye whatever you do don't look anyone in the eye (drums kick in) Don't touch the werewolves unless they touch you first and if they touch you don't look them in the eye if you go outside don't look down the punji pit but look out for the punji pit Who keeps a chainsaw in the kitchen like that? Not even lumberjacks do There were some weird meats in the fridge I guess we'll never know the truth The ouija board is moving by itself now it's moving by itself cuz John Candy's ghost is here I don't know if I can leave Louisa's house I don't know if I can leave
13.
Everything's so far away Would it be alright if I stayed? If this train falls off the track Can i ride upon your back? feet on the ground and wind in the air please don't forget that i'm there if you lose me on the way Where i land is where I'll stay Can I trust you, can we turn back if you've gone too far, I'll have a panic attack If things get rough and you get hungry will you promise never to eat me? Heaven is so far away Must you remind me every day? Walking there is so insane maybe we can take a train if this train falls off the tracks use these bones to fill the cracks If you find yourself alone I have found my own way home It's a great big world, and I don't know where it ends but when I find out it will be you and me looking out into the abyss hand and hand and we'll know that we are there because we'll be hand in hand If the rain falls down if things go south can I ride inside your mouth? You can run run run as fast as you can and I will hold on until the bitter end It's a great big world and I don't know where it ends but when I find out it will be you and me lookin gout into the abyss hand and hand with a smile on our face because we finally found the end Don't bother trying to find us because you'll never hunt us down in a million years with a million dogs and their noses to the ground the paths we are took are treacherous and we've left this world behind don't call us, we don't have a phone, we're out of reach of time.
14.
I didn't know that a gum could last this long chewing all day and all through the night never loses its flavour, when i want to stop chewing I just pass it along to a friend Chewing forever I just pass it along to a friend Chewing forever you never have to buy another stick of gum and you know when your breath is fresh and you're feeling god nothing can stop you nothing can stop you at all Chewing forever

about

Hailing from a delightful universe of anthropomorphic animals*, I’ve Made Too Much Pasta is the latest addition to the grand tradition of They Might Be Giants-style geek rock. On How to Drive a Bus, Scurrow Squirrel and his cohorts have cooked up a cavalcade of catchy rock and roll tunes, criss-crossing surreal imagery with observational wit at a madcap pace. Will Toledo’s propulsive production keeps Scurrow’s absurd-yet-relatable lyrics at center stage, knowing when to keep it simple and when to ramp up to ambitious psychedelia. On vinyl for the very first time, How to Drive a Bus will make a perfect addition to your Needlejuice Records collection.

* Sometimes known as “New Jersey”

credits

released October 20, 2021

Recording in 2020 in Avast Studios in Seattle, WA. Also recorded in Milltown, NJ, Bellevue WA, Boston MA, Pheonix AZ, and Orlando FL

All songs written by Scurrow

Cover art by Fox Trotter @thehearthfox

Scurrow: Main vocals, guitar, accordion, Synths
Myles "Para" Parsons: Drums, Percussion, back up vocals 1, 7, 9, 10, 11
Trait: Bass, guitar, synths, piano, noises, samples, back up vocals 1, 2, 6, 7
Jared "Pepper Coyote" Clark: back up vocals on 1, 4, 6, 11, 13
Ned "Rhubarb Bear" Wilkinson: back up vocals on 6, horns on 8 and 13
Aaron Cherof: back up vocals on 13
Doug Perry: Marimba on 8
Rolffrom: back up vocals on 6
Syd Stoat: vocals on 5

Produced and Mixed by Will Toledo
Mastered by Will Toledo and Andrew Katz

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I've Made Too Much Pasta Milltown, New Jersey

"I've made too much pasta" is a raccoon with Rabies and a short life span who creates rock-type music about being a raccoon and other such stuff.

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